Posted in inspiration

An old Journal entry

I took this from an old journal dated 3/5/89

I remember it was Easter 1980; My first born was an 8 month old baby. We were staying at the Prince of Wales hospital, Sydney, she was having tests one of many. I fell in love with a child of 4, a boy, limp like a broken doll, his eyes dull not moving, his face grey.His skin wrinkled and old, his small frail body still, no sound from him, his skin purple.


His mother’s eyes were red and sore from too many tears.  She sat looking, holding him, she did not understand!

“Why him? Why him? Why not me?”

Her heart was full of love, her eyes were full of agony,

the child, her little boy of 4 was gone.

I mostly remember the eyes

The child’s eyes,

The mother’s eyes,

Dry from too many tears

From sadness, not laughter

This child I knew, I spoke with his mother, he was her only son, her only child. He would be 13 now. (1989) I can only imagine him being this tiny very blue little boy who struggled to live, endured numerous operations in his short life.

A very brave little boy,

A very courageous mum.

Knowing them has helped me to grow and be thankful for my own child’s recovery and her life.

There will always be room for special people in my heart and  I will always carry a memory of this little boy with me forever.




Carol was discovered by another writer, who is honored to share her works with you. In the fullness of time, Carol's musings, some of them written nearly twenty years ago, have emerged. She allows them to be shared with a still seeking and grateful heart.

3 thoughts on “An old Journal entry

  1. Carol, this is precious. It actually reminds me of a line in a movie we watched last night – one of the character’s told another, who was immortal, “I will always remember you.” And he replied, “That’s what it means to be immortal.”

  2. Only a mother can have such strong feelings towards another child’s hardships. I commend you for this article, I know a child that has struggled to be born and now he is 15. God sends us miracles.

  3. Kimberly thankyou for dropping by.God does indeed send us miracles. I don’t think that until we ourselves have a child that we completely understand the miracle of birth and when we are given a special child we witness first hand just how brave that child is.

    I do often think of this little boys mother and how she coped with his suffering and then his passing. As mothers we too have to be couragious, I just pray that she felt comfort in knowing he was safe and free from pain and being cradled in the arms of Jesus.

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